...presented in the internet-friendly FAQ format! I thought about doing a Top 10 list, but FAQs give the illusion of interactivity, even when I'm the one coming up the questions :-)

So, what's your story?

Bryant Davey I am an explorer and an adventurer with a passion for kicking ass and taking names. I feel like I'm on top of the world when I'm navigating the uncharted depths of a finely crafted piece of cheesecake. Cilantro is my arch nemesis. One day in the unpredictable future, an emo force known only as "Bizarro Bryant" will bake a cilantro-flavoured cheesecake with the intent of foiling my gullible taste buds. Narrowly escaping the perilous baked good of doom, I will challenge the emo force known only as "Bizarro Bryant" to an Extreme Cake Bake Off!! Either that or a Fiery DDR Dance Off!! It depends on my mood.

The battle of passion will carry on for three nights and three days. My strength will begin to fade like sunlight as the moon passes by during a solar eclipse (the emo force known only as "Bizarro Bryant" likes that additional drama, so he'll schedule the battle during a solar eclipse). Squinting, with beads of sweat burning my eyes, I'll glance at my sworn enemy as he forges onward to victory. No. I will not stand for this. You can foil my edibles. You can thwart my unwavering optimism. But you cannot take away my dreams! And with my last bit of energy, I'll channel my inner man voice and gravel, "Nobody puts Baby in a corner with cilantro-flavoured cheesecake." Stunned and shaken, I'll steal the opportunity with my hot fingers and send the emo force known only as "Bizarro Bryant" back to Bizarro World with my Extreme Cake of Fresh Destruction / Fiery Feet of Flaming Fury.

But until that mythical day, I disguise myself as a game design student.

Wait – you're not the emo poet who used to be in the US Navy?

Google says otherwise, but I do not write suicidal poems in my spare time. Furthermore, the US Navy hates my kind (you know, the Canadian, Cher-loving, pacifistic kind). In the name of my reputation, I hereby declare virtual war on the pessimistic poems authored by one Bizarro Bryant Davey. It'll be like good vs. evil, light vs. darkness. For France!!

Why do you use a fork and knife to cut your pizza?

Funky Grill Back in junior high and high school, I was the Lord of Effed-Up Dental Patients. Foiled by a nefarious set of genes that has been passed down for generations by my father's family, I grew up lacking certain oral necessities. Orthodontists, ever did they try, glued several temporary instruments to my infamous grill that would, under immense pressure, pop out of my face in a dramatic display of dental misfortune. To reduce the stress on my diva dental instruments, I would cut my food into bite-sized pieces using a fork and knife. And I've been doing it ever since, now only out of habit. The end.